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by musikfurfreiheit



Category: Nightwish, Within Temptation (Band)
Genre: F/F, Sharja - Freeform, This started as a one shot and turned into something a lot more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23682568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musikfurfreiheit/pseuds/musikfurfreiheit
Summary: “Wherever I am with both my moms, those are places I’m willing to call home. Now I’ll never have a home again.”
Relationships: Sharon den Adel/Tarja Turunen
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

_Dear diary,_

_Today was my last day in Finland. I’m now sitting at the airport while we wait for our flight. Mama said she needed to go to the toilet, but I know she just crying there. She never admits it, but I know she secretly wants to stay. When we were standing outside and mom was standing in the doorway, I could see it in her eyes. If mom had run to her, hugged her begged her to stay, we wouldn’t be sitting here, we would have stayed. I would be able to say I have a home._

_Don’t get me wrong, I like going to the Netherlands to see mama’s side of the family, but it’s not home. The houses in Indonesia, Argentina and Finland, they were home. Wherever I am with both my mom’s, those are places I’m willing to call home. Now I’ll never have a home again._

_I still don’t know what happened. None of them wants to tell me, they just say it happens, that people grow apart. According to mama neither of them cheated or lied or… I can’t think of anything else. They say they just don’t love each other anymore, but what if it’s my fault? What if they don’t want to share their lives any longer because of me? I know I’m not the easiest kid, but I didn’t know I was so annoying. It would also explain why they don’t want to tell me what happened._

_I can see the plane with the ‘KLM’ tail already so it won’t be much longer until we’ll leave. I am leaving behind 7 years of my life. Half of my life I’ve spent here in Finland and now I don’t know if I’ll ever return. I said goodbye to all my friends, have all their e-mail addresses and phone numbers, but it will never be the same again .I’ll have to start all over again with just one mother to have my back. I’ll make new friends, I now that and even though it scares me it isn’t as terrifying as the other thought. What if I get another mother?_

_I don’t want anyone else. I cried when I hugged mom for the last time and I know she was also crying. I love both my mothers so much and I know that they also love each other. Can love be completely over? I remember so much moments as a happy family. The time we went to the zoo together, the time at the lake, that one time we build a pillow fort and all slept there on the ground. They are family moments, they belong to us and I don’t want to share them with anyone else. I don’t want to go to the lake with some other woman, I want to go there with my parents, both of them._

_I only realize now that it’s over, now that I’ve written all these things down. My family has broken apart and any minute the pieces will be separated for good. It will never be the same again._

_Daniel_

________________________________________________

** Home **

Whoever invented the term “maximum speed” was an idiot. Sharon totally ignored the speed limit as she made her way towards her son’s school, still careful not to cause any accidents. She cursed every driver that made her slow down, forgetting Daniel was the one causing this. The principle had called her and asked her to come to the school immediately. Not knowing what was going on Sharon hadn’t even bothered to shut down her laptop, she just got up without saying anything to her colleagues, ran to her car and was now rushing to Daniel’s school.

Possible scenarios were spooking through her head as she parked the car and walked to the school building. Had Daniel gotten into a fight? Did he get injured during PE? What could be so urgent that they wanted to see her immediately? Daniel was the most important person in her life so of course she was worried about him, especially in the last five months. Their lives had drastically changed and they were still busy getting it on the rail and all they got was each other.

Sharon herself had been in the principal’s office a countless amount of times. After every time one of her bullies had beaten her up she had ended up in the office and she had no problem finding it again. There might sitting another man on the chair, the office still looked the same as she entered it. Daniel was already sitting in one of the chairs and Sharon immediately hugged him as before sitting down.

‘What happened?’

‘His math teacher found him in the music store.’ The principal said. ‘While he was supposed to be in class.’

‘You were skipping classes?’ Sharon asked surprised.

‘This was not the first time, Miss den Adel.’

‘Daniel… why?’

‘I told you, I don’t like it here.’

Daniel didn’t even look at his mother. His voice sounded cold and his footsteps loud as he walked out of the office. Sharon sighed as she turned back to the man on the other side of the desk.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m worry about them, Miss den Adel.’

‘So am I. But you have to understand he’s going through a though period. It’s a new country, a new school, his parents just got divorced…’

‘I do understand that.’ The principal said. ‘But that’s not an excuse to skip the classes.’

‘I’ll talk to him.’ Sharon mumbled before rising and leaving the office after shaking the man’s hand. Daniel was already sitting in the hallway and she weakly smiled as she put her hand on his shoulder. ‘Let’s go.’

They walked to the car in silence, a silence that continued until they were halfway home.

‘Do you want to go to another school?’ Sharon carefully asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I want to go back to my school in Finland, I told you that. I don’t like the Netherlands and I miss mom, I want to go back to Finland.’

‘You can’t.’ Sharon sighed while a knot formed around her heart. ‘You chose to live with me. If you really want to go back you’ll at least have to finish your year at school.’

A lonely tear ran down her cheek as she said the last word. Yes, Daniel had told her he didn’t like his new home but she had assumed he would get used to it. Never had she expected him to ask if he could go back to Finland, to live with his other mother. First Tarja had walked out on her and now Daniel was doing the same. What was wrong with her?

‘You don’t get it.’ Daniel whispered as he noticed the tear. ‘I want to live with you but also with mom. I want to go back to Finland, _with you_.’

Sharon’s only answer was silence. She knew Daniel missed his family, missed having 2 parents that formed a warm home for him. Het attempts to make their new house feel like home were failing and even though she chose to ignore it, she knew what was missing. _Who_ was missing.

Not a single word had been said by the time they arrived at their house. Daniel’s footsteps sounded loud as he ran up the stairs and Sharon sighed when the door of his bedroom fell shut. He knew he had to leave his shoes at the door, that he wasn’t allowed to lock himself in his room and there was a limit on the volume of his music, but he chose to ignore those rules. She knew he was a typical teenager, but still Sharon blamed herself for his behavior. Daniel had never acted like this until now. Only five months and she’d already turned the always happy kid into a rebellious teenager. Maybe Tarja was the better parent, just like she’d always thought.

Being a single parent was way harder than she’d imagined and once again, she wished she had Daniel’s other mother at her side again.


	2. Chapter 2

Sharon welcomed the sound of her key turning in the lock. It had been a long and stressful day at work and she had been longing for home since 10 in the morning. She just wanted to spend some time with her son and his name almost left her mouth as she entered the house.  
She fell silent however as she saw the kitchen was a mess. The counters were filled with leftovers and empty packages, Daniel’s jacket was laying on the ground and she almost tripped over his shoes. She just wanted rest and peace and that was simply impossible like this.

She needed a moments to collect her last pieces of willpower and climbed the stairs, already preparing herself to get angry. Once she reached Daniel’s room however, she froze. She had already heard he was talking to someone, but now she also recognized the voice of the other person.

‘I don’t get that you like those games so much, I can’t even complete one level.’

‘I’m just a natural talent.’

‘Yeah, right. If we have the chance to race against each other, I’ll beat your ass.’

‘Keep on dreaming, mom.’

Sharon smiled as she heard the smile in Daniels voice. The bond between Daniel and Tarja had always been great, and she was glad that it hadn’t changed. The boy looked up as she opened the door of his room and he sighed.

‘Could you please clean your mess downstairs?’

‘Without a single word Daniel got up and left his room. Sharon waited until he was downstairs before entering the room and sitting down behind the laptop. Tarja’s face was on the screen and both of them lightly smiled.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey, you look tired.’

‘I am tired.’ Sharon sighed. ‘It was a long day. Actually it was a long week, I’ve barely had any time for Daniel. He has been skipping classes.

‘I know, he told me. I’m worried about him, Sharon.’

‘So am I, he isn’t coping as well as I thought. He wants us to move back to Finland.’

‘Both of you? Not just him?’

‘No, not just him. I’ve been thinking about it though.’ Sharon admitted. ‘Not about moving back but, maybe we could spent the upcoming break in Finland? It might help him if he spends some time with you.’

‘I would love to. You can stay here if you want? Daniel could sleep in his own room.’

‘Thanks. Don’t tell Daniel yet, I want it to be a surprise.’

‘Sure.’

‘I’m done.’ Sharon looked up as she heard Daniel’s voice and smiled at him before turning back to the screen.

‘I’ll call you later.’

It was only when Sharon left his room and closed the door behind her that Daniel’s voice sounded again. She kept listening for a few seconds and it warmed her heart to hear his smile. It wasn’t much, but it still was a glimpse of boy Daniel once used to be.

Once she was downstairs again Sharon turned on the radio to fill the absence of Daniel’s voice. With the jazzy music in the back of her mind she sat down on the couch and grabbed the book lying next to her. A sigh rolled over her lips as she opened the book and read the first ten lines before closing it again. Sure, she loved reading, but she’d had too much time to do it since she was back in the Netherlands. In the first few weeks she and Daniel had spent a lot of time together but then he had started to lock himself in his room. He was always gaming or Skyping, leaving Sharon on her own. She hadn’t minded at first. There was a pile of books waiting for her, but now it was getting too much.

‘I’m sorry.’

Sharon looked up as Daniel’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. He was standing halfway down the staircase, as if he was waiting for permission to come down.

‘For what?’

‘For my behavior.’ He mumbled. ‘I should had cleaned my stuff before you were home, just like you asked me.’

‘It’s okay, you cleaned up after all. What’s that?’

‘My agenda. You need the sign the overview of my tests.’

Sharon was already promising herself she would stay calm, no matter what Daniel’s grades were. As she opened the agenda and saw the overview however, a smile appeared on her face. She knew it wasn’t easy for Daniel to write Dutch without mistakes since he had spent the last 7 years in Finland, but he was trying and the results of his tests were the proof of it. He had passed every test and some of his grades were even more than good.

‘I’m proud of you.’ Sharon smiled as she signed the page.

‘Thanks.’

‘Hey, Daniel.’ Sharon called him back as he turned around again. ‘Want to play some playstation?’

‘Only if you’re ready to lose.’

Both of them smiled and just a few minutes later the living room was filled with a mix of Dutch and Finnish curses. Just like their characters they still had a long journey ahead of them. But eventually, as long as they stuck together, they would get where they belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

‘How much longer is it?’

‘Just a few more minutes.’

‘I am so excited!’

‘Daniel, can you just shut up please?’

Daniel frowned, but smiled as he looked at his mother. Sharon’s knuckles had turned white from grabbing the armrests of her chair and it looked like she was trying to kill her chewing gum. Flying had never been her favorite thing, especially not the landing. She was still scared something might go wrong and Daniel’s talking was only making her more nervous.

‘Come on, I’ll distract you.’ Daniel smiled. ‘Once we’re on the ground, we can eat mom’s special pancakes again. I know you love them even more than I do.’

‘I don’t want to think about food right now.’

‘Then think about the lake. We can go there and you can finally tell me why that tree is your favorite spot in Finland.’

A small smile crawled up Sharon’s lips as the image formed in her mind. The lake was so beautiful at night, especially when there was a full moon. The moonlight was all there was to light the environment and Sharon loved watching the reflection of the stars and the moonlight in the water. And then there was the one tree that held such a special memory.

‘Keep on dreaming.’

‘I can annoy you and mom with singing ‘Do you want to build a snowman’ all the time until we go outside to build snowmen.’

‘Don’t you dare.’

‘We can go ice skating and laugh every time mom falls. Or we can borrow the neighbor’s dog again and go for some long walks! We can make a campfire in the backyard and eat marshmallows and we-’

Daniel got cut off as the plane landed. The entire plane shook for a moment and Sharon sighed in relief when it was over.

‘Thank you.’ She whispered as everyone around them started clapping and Daniel smiled in return.

Just a few minutes later Sharon and Daniel got all their luggage and were making their way to the hall of the airport. A small group of people was waiting for their family or friends but it still wasn’t easy to find the small black haired woman. Once Daniel saw her however, he ran from Sharon’s side and threw his arms around Tarja’s neck. He wasn’t much shorter than his mother, but his enthusiasm almost knocked Tarja over. Both of them closed their eyes as they almost hugged each other to death and Sharon smiled as she got closer after they ended their embrace.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’ Tarja smiled back. ‘Are you ready to go?’

‘Yes, thank you for picking us up.’

Tarja only had the chance to smile before Daniel got her attention again. He kept going on about how much he missed her and the things she’d missed as they walked towards the car. Of course Daniel sat in the front as they drove towards Tarja’s house and he listed all the things he wanted to during their stay. Tarja’s reaction on ‘Do you want to build a snowman’ was the same as Sharon’s and the smile seemed to be unable to be wiped away.

Sharon and Tarja’s eyes met in the mirror as Daniel mentioned the lake again. The lake had been _their_ place. They shared so many memories, but the one of the lake was probably their most precious one. Their moment got interrupted as Daniel continued his list and Tarja’s eyes went back to the road. Sharon stayed silent the rest of their journey. A small smile had settled on her lips as memories of a previous life kept playing through her mind while she watched what once was her family.

Sharon thought Daniel couldn’t be more excited about spending some time with both his parents, but was proven wrong when they entered Tarja’s house. They were greeted by the delicious smell of Tarja’s pancakes and Daniel almost screamed like a little girl as he sat down at the table. Sharon and Tarja both laughed as they watched their son moaning over the pancakes, but Sharon had to be careful to not do the same as she took her first bite. She would never admit it out loud, but Tarja’s pancakes were the best in the world. She could eat them for days and more than once had she tried to make them herself, but never succeeded. There was a secret ingredient that Tarja claimed to be love and as every time she took her first bite, she also believed it. There was only one way to describe the feeling of the food melting on her tongue, and that was love.

Sharon was still enjoying her dinner as Daniel’s attention suddenly got caught by something else. He almost knocked over his chair as he jumped up and Sharon and Tarja both frowned as he ran towards the living room.

‘You still have Ninja! I thought you didn’t like him?’ Daniel smiled as he returned to the kitchen with his pet turtle in his hands.

‘We don’t like each other.’ Tarja corrected him. ‘He has bitten me several times since you left.’

Daniel didn’t hear the answer. He had gotten the turtle when they first moved to Finland and now, almost 8 years later, Daniel still loved his pet as much as he used to. He carefully petted the shell and whispered comforting words that where only meant for the turtle’s little ears.

‘Is it bad that I can still see our seven year old boy being happy with his first pet?’

‘No, not all.’ Sharon smiled without looking away from the scene. ‘It doesn’t matter how old or how tall he is, he will always be our little boy.’

‘Except when he’s acting stupid, then he’s your little boy.’

‘Hey, I heard that!’

Sharon and Tarja both laughed, but the smile on Sharon’s face quickly disappeared as she realized that Daniel was the only person she was still allowed to call ‘hers’.


	4. Chapter 4

Sharon had never liked the guest room. The mirror reflected the bright green light of the digital clock on the nightstand. The sheets were freshly washed and the smell irritated her, just like the fact that they didn’t seem to warm her body. The painting on the wall seemed to move and every now and then Sharon opened her eyes to make sure it was still the same. But what kept her awake most of all were the memories. Whenever she and Tarja had a fight she would sleep in the guest room and the memories of those nights kept hunting her. In the last months they’d lived together she’d tried to sleep here every night, but ended up lying awake more than anything else.

As Sharon opened her eyes for the 20th time that night, the green digits told her it was 7:47 in the morning. Her body was still tired but she still crawled out of the bed and shivered as her bare feet touched the floor. Yawning she made her way to the kitchen and was surprised as she entered it. The air smelled like apples and toasted bread.

‘You look terrible.’

‘Always when I try to sleep in the guest room.’

‘I made your favorite tea.’ Tarja smiled as she handed Sharon the cup.

A smaller version of the smile crawled on Sharon’s lips as the cup warmed her hands and the smell filled her nose. She took a careful sip and sighed as she felt the liquid warming her body.

‘Hmmm, perfect.’

‘Green apple tea with a small spoon of sugar, the way you like it.’

‘You remember that?’

‘Oh please.’ Tarja smiled. ‘I made your morning tea for almost 17 years.’

’16, the first year your tea was terrible.’

‘My pancakes are still better than yours.’

They both laughed at the comment and looked up as they heard footsteps on the stairs. Daniel’s black hair covered his eyes that were still closed until he walked into the door, but that was not what made Sharon gasp as she saw her son. While she had been freezing at night, Daniel had probably been hot since he was only clothed in his boxershort and one of his socks.

‘Daniel, you go back upstairs and put on some clothes or you don’t get breakfast.’

‘Why does he has to get dressed?’ Tarja asked as she handed him a glass of orange juice. ‘He’s still home, and so are you. If you want to walk around in your underwear, go ahead.’

‘Please don’t.’ Daniel mumbled after taking a sip of the juice and sitting down at the table and frowning. ‘No pancakes?’

‘You ate 7 of them yesterday, you’ve had enough for an entire month.’ Tarja answered as she placed the toast on the table. ‘Eat some toast and then get ready. We’re going to race and I will win.’

With a smile Sharon watched Daniel spreading the chocolate paste on his toast before decorating his lips with it. Even at the age of 14 he was unable to decently eat chocolate paste and once again all Sharon could see was the small boy he used to be and whose eyes matched the color of his lips.

By the time Sharon had finished her breakfast, Daniel and Tarja were already choosing their cars to race with. Tarja wanted to be sure her car looked great so she was pimping it while Daniel impatiently waited for her to finish, finally realizing he was only wearing one sock. Their race started only a few seconds after Tarja finally had built her car and Daniel immediately was in front of his mother. A loud curse sounded however as Tarja found the right button and pushed Daniel off the road, claiming the first position that way.

Sharon watched them with a smile as she cleaned the table. The little kids in them had awoken and it would probably take a while before they needed to take their naps. Just as she’d thought, Tarja wanted revenge as she lost the first round and Daniel made a little victory dance around his mother.

A few hours later the little kids that lived in all three of them had gone to sleep in their self-built pillow fort. Sharon had helped them collecting every pillow and blanket in the house before they turned the table in the living room into a small palace. Sunlight broke through the cracks between the blankets and lit the peaceful sleeping faces.

They had done this so many times that building the pillow fort had become routine. Everyone knew what they had to do and in no time Daniel had been able to open the fort in the traditional way; cutting the piece of yarn that Sharon and Tarja held in front of the “door”. They had all crawled inside and lay down like they always did, Daniel in the middle and an arm of both his parents around his waist. For quite some time it had worried Sharon that Daniel was so close with them but all of those worries were gone now. The worry was replaced with guilt as she watched Daniel sleeping in Tarja’s arms and wondered what kind of mother let her son choose between his parents.


	5. Chapter 5

Sharon loved cooking, but there was something that was even more fun. Cooking together. It was on Daniel’s list and it was only now that Sharon realized she actually missed it. Tarja and Daniel were both kneading the dough for the soon-to-be pizzas while she prepared the sauce. A giggle escaped as she noticed the flour on Tarja’s face and she reached out to wipe it away, leaving a trail of tomato sauce instead.

‘Hey!’

‘You had flour on your face!’ Sharon defended herself.

‘So you decided to replace it with tomato sauce?’

‘It was an accident!’

Tarja grinned as she ran her flour covered hand over Sharon’s face and the Dutch woman gasped. Daniel watched them with a smile, not sure if he should join his mothers or not.

‘It was an accident.’ Tarja sheepishly smiled.

The war had started. Sharon used her tomato sauce to draw a mustache on Tarja’s face, some of the sauce ending on Daniel as Tarja managed to avoid Sharon’s finger. Tarja’s flour covered hands reached for Sharon’s face, but their movements suddenly stopped as her hand landed on the brunette’s breast. Both of them blushed as their eyes met and as fast as possible Tarja pulled back her hand. It was the first time in almost a year they had laughed so much together and almost as if they felt guilty, they turned serious again. Tarja grabbed a towel to wipe the sauce off her face and Sharon smiled as she saw there was still sauce next to her eye. She reached out and gently touched the soft skin of the Finn’s face.

‘You still have some sauce here…’

Tarja looked her right in the eye as she wiped the sauce away and her breath got stuck for a second. The first time Sharon fell in love with the other woman, she’d fallen in love with her eyes. The green was so bright, it even seemed to shine in the dark and twinkle in the light and right now, they seemed to look right into her soul. She had always felt vulnerable with Tarja, but that was okay. She gave Tarja the chance and the power to hurt her because she trusted her, she knew Tarja would never hurt her.

‘Look what I made!’

The bubble around Sharon and Tarja shattered as Daniel’s voice sounded and Tarja turned around. Their laughs echoed through the kitchen as they saw the face Daniel had made on his pizza using she cheese and salami. A least there was someone using the food in the right way.

2 hours later the war zone had been restored to a kitchen and the soldiers were laying on the couch. The tv played some lame movie Daniel had wanted to watch, but hadn’t been able to keep him awake. He was sleeping in what Sharon suspected to be a very uncomfortable way, but it still was more interesting than the movie that played. From the corner of her eye she could see Tarja was also watching their son’s breathing instead of the movie and she softly sighed.

‘He has changed.’ Sharon almost whispered, scared to wake Daniel up. ‘Twice.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘This isn’t the Daniel that lived with me in the Netherlands. That boy was rebellious at school, locked himself in his room and seemed unhappy. From the moment we stepped on the plane to come here, he became this sweet boy that’s always happy again. Maybe he really isn’t happy in the Netherlands…’

‘Are you saying he should be living here, with me?’

‘I don’t know.’ Sharon mumbled without looking away from Daniel. ‘I often thought I wasn’t a good parent and yes, because he always seemed so happy after he called you I have thought about him living here. But I think it wouldn’t matter, he would still be rebellious no matter where he lives.’

‘He wants to live with both of us, he doesn’t want to choose. He wants the same and safe family he grew up with, his words.’

‘Yeah, I thought so.’

They kept looking at their son in silence until the credits of the movie rolled over the screen a few minutes later. With a yawn they agreed they would go to bed and Tarja turned off the tv while Sharon woke Daniel up. She almost had to push him all the way to his room so he wouldn’t fall asleep in the middle of the hallway. Tiredness took over as she closed the door of Daniel’s room and suddenly she longed for the bed in the uncomfortable guest room. As soon as she opened the door of the room however, the tiredness disappeared and she no longer longed for the bed. Her heart started beating faster and she froze as she saw the uninvited guest in the room.

‘Shit…’

‘What’s wrong?’ Tarja asked, sticking her head out of the bathroom with her toothbrush still in her mouth.

‘There’s a spider in my room… Can I sleep with you tonight?’

‘What’s the magical word?’

‘Unicorn?’

Tarja laughed as she didn’t get the expected ‘please’ and almost choked on her toothbrush before disappearing in the bathroom again.

‘You know the way.’

As fast as possible Sharon grabbed her pajama and ran towards the room she used to share with Tarja. She wasn’t surprised to see the room was still exactly the same as the last night she slept there and a small smile appeared on her lips as she saw the photo on Tarja’s nightstand. It was a picture of the three of them during their trip to Rome, the last holiday they had spent together. There still were a lot of things in the house that originally were hers and she wondered if their friendly break up had something to do with it. Not once had they fought, both of them just felt it wasn’t working anymore and decided to end their marriage. That way both of them would be spared of awkwardness, but they hadn’t thought about the lonely nights that would follow instead.

‘Do you still sleep on the left side?’

‘Eh, yeah.’ Sharon answered Tarja entered the room.

They got in the bed and wished each other a good night before Tarja turned off the light. Sharon kept listening to Tarja’s breath for a few minutes and turned to her side when she was sure the other woman had fallen asleep. The streetlight that came through the window lighted the contours of Tarja’s face and she printed them in her memory once again before closing her eyes. Tarja’s face was the last thing she saw before falling asleep, completely surrounded by the Finn’s natural scent. It was like she had never left at all.


	6. Chapter 6

For a single moment Sharon was in Paradise. The bed was warm and comfortable, the body lying next to hers was soft and its perfume still had a magical effect on her. But from one moment to the next, paradise turned into reality as Sharon’s mind woke up. This was not her bed, Tarja didn’t choose to lay against her, it just happened in her sleep. This was the first time in almost a year that she shared a bed with another person and it hit her how much she missed the feeling of another body.

With a soft sigh she ran her fingers through Tarja’s hair and a small smile crawled on her lips as the other woman moved closer in her sleep. Everything looked like a typical lazy Sunday morning, except it was not. It was not a Sunday, Sharon didn’t belong in this bed anymore and…

‘DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAAAAAN?’

… and there was Daniel.

Tarja stirred as Daniel’s voice rang through the house. Sharon crawled away from her to avoid awkwardness between them, but rolled off the bed as she reached the edge of the mattress and groaned as Daniel’s voice sounded again.

‘COME ON LETS GO AND PLAAAAAY!’

‘Daniel!’

‘Are you okay?’ Tarja asked as she peeked over the edge.

‘Yeah, just tell Daniel there’s no snow so he can stop asking to build a snowman.’

They didn’t succeed. The entire day Daniel kept singing songs from Frozen, even though he claimed he had never seen the movie. It was driving Sharon and Tarja insane, and during dinner Tarja even begged him to go out with some of his friends.

The house turned silent on the moment Daniel left. For half an hour they enjoyed it, but after that Sharon realized it had been a mistake to send him away. Every time her eyes fell on Tarja she felt the urge to hug her, to tell her how she had felt that morning when she woke up. She needed distraction, and she wasn’t the only one.

‘Would you like to go for a walk?’

‘Yeah, sure.’ Sharon smiled as she put down the magazine she’d been staring at.

The air wasn’t too cold, the silence was filled with birds singing their songs and the always happy dog of the neighbors that barked to greet them. Both of them were lost in their own thoughts as they walked through the streets and even though they didn’t say a single word, they were well aware of where they were going. It wasn’t long before the lake came into view and without speaking they sat down on the bench under one of the large trees. The sun was already setting and it made Sharon’s favorite place on earth even more beautiful.

‘Do you remember the very first time we came here?’ Tarja suddenly whispered after a few minutes of silence.

‘Yeah.’ Sharon smiled as her mind went back to the moment. ‘Your brother was watching Daniel so it was just the two of us, we were the only people around. It was a full moon and there were so many stars that night… We made love right under this tree. The moon was reflected in your eyes and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it. You were so pure and beautiful and I swear, I’ve never loved you more than in that very moment.’ Tears were threatening to fall and she was just unable to fight them any longer. ‘What happened to us? We were so happy together…’

She could hear her tears in her own voice as she pressed the words over her lips. There had been a time where their hearts were filled with love for each other. Their breathed each other, they felt each other like they were one and somewhere in the last year, all of that had faded. They stopped touching each other, their hearts no longer beat for the other and slowly the love had disappeared like a small dying flame.

Tarja’s hand felt as warm as the nearly dead flame as it covered Sharon’s. She looked up and saw she wasn’t the only one who was crying. Tarja’s voice sounded small and vulnerable but it were her words that made goosebumps appear on Sharon’s arms.

‘I’m still happy around you.’

Their eyes met. The eyes that fascinated Sharon so much were reflecting the last piece of the setting sun and the tear that escaped looked like a little waterfall. She hated it when Tarja cried, it broke her already shattered heart and even though she knew it wasn’t right, she did the only thing that _felt_ right. They squeezed each other’s hands as their lips lightly touched, as if they had to assure the other that they weren’t dreaming. Sharon’s heart was aching and yet the tears that escaped weren’t all tears of pain. It was the first time in such a long time that she kissed someone, that someone kissed her, and of course Tarja was the one. It felt like sneaking back home after running away, and being busted when Tarja slowly pulled back.

‘Maybe we should go home.’

Sharon only nodded while her mind begged her to scream NO. No, she didn’t want to go to what once was her home. She didn’t want to see or be told that what they did was wrong. She wanted to stay at _their_ place and enjoy being with Tarja just one more evening. Just one moment in which the last year hadn’t happened and they were happy together.

With every step they took Sharon kept fighting her tears, kept fighting the urge to grab Tarja’s hand, a fight she lost as the front door fell shut behind them. She took Tarja’s hand and just half a second later she was pushed against the door. Their lips were pressed together, Tarja’s hands cupped her face and Sharon’s mind was completely blank. She had no idea how they had managed to get to the bedroom or where their clothes were laying. All she knew was that this was wrong, even though it felt so right. Tears and sweat glued their bodies together as they touched each other in a way only they were allowed to. The line “we shouldn’t be doing this” kept spooking through Sharon’s mind as she touched Tarja in the most intimate way. There was no way back, they already went too far. Their tear filled eyes were locked as both of them fell over the edge and a wave of guilt and pleasure washed over their bodies. Their loud breathing filled the room before a sob sounded and Tarja started shivering. Every sob seemed to hurt her vulnerable looking body and Sharon pulled her down, unable to see the heartbreaking image. Tarja buried her face in the crook of Sharon’s neck, the arms wrapped around her body unable to stop the tears.

‘I love you…’

It seemed to hurt Tarja to say the words and Sharon closed her eyes as she pressed her lips against the smaller woman’s forehead.

‘Shht… Tomorrow.’

The sobs slowly faded as Tarja drifted off to sleep and Sharon fought to keep her eyes open. She was scared to close them, scared that everything had just been a dream when she opened them again.


	7. Chapter 7

Cold, that was the first thing Sharon felt as she woke up. Slowly she opened her eyes and disappointment settled in as she realized Tarja was no longer laying in her arms. This was it, the ice cold reality where they were no longer together and last night as a mistake.

‘I’m sorry if I woke you.’

Sharon’s vision got clear as the voice reached her. She saw Tarja sitting on the edge of the bed, her naked back covered with scratches. Each one of them was evidence that last night had really happened, a witness of Sharon’s need to feel Tarja and be as close as possible. They almost disappeared in each other, almost became one again, and now Sharon was laying on one side of the bed an Tarja was sitting on the other side.

‘I got a text message from Daniel. He asks if we’re home, he forgot to take a key.’ Tarja mumbled. ‘Should we tell him?’

‘No, tell him we went to Disneyland without him.’

‘I meant yesterday.’ Tarja sighed. ‘Should we tell him what happened yesterday?’

‘Maybe we should talk first about what happened yesterday.’

‘We had sex.’

‘You know that’s not what happened.’ Sharon whispered as she crawled closer.

She sat down next to Tarja and only now noticed the goosebumps on the other woman’s skin. The skin that had felt so soft under her fingers the previous night.

‘We made love, just like we used to.’

Tarja’s voice seemed so vulnerable as she whispered the words without looking up from the phone in her hands. Slowly Sharon ran her fingers over the goosebumps before she intertwined her fingers with Tarja’s. She stroke the cold skin with her thumb and stared at the Finn’s face before speaking again.

‘Do you think we can love each other again, just like we used to?’

‘You know I still love you.’

Even though there were no visible tears, Sharon could still hear them in Tarja’s voice. She had never seen her so vulnerable. She was naked, her heart laying in someone else’s hands and not sure yet if it would be crushed or not. Sharon’s heart ached at the sight and she knew she had already made her choice. She leaned in and gently kissed the corner of Tarja’s mouth before their lips properly met and Tarja kissed her back.

‘We’re not telling him.’ Sharon whispered as she pulled back. ‘He has gone through a lot, the last thing he needs is false hope.’

‘And what about us?’

‘We need to shower before Daniel gets home and he discovers we’re not in Disneyland.’

The tea that warmed her hands was almost as hot as the water of the shower she had taken. Her hair was still slightly wet and felt cold on her back, but it didn’t bother her. Sharon could still taste Tarja’s lips on hers, the taste of the green apples not strong enough to overpower it. She wasn’t sure if the warm feeling in her body was caused by the tea or something else, but there was one thing she was sure of. For the first time in a year, she dared to call herself happy.

Sharon was pulled from her thoughts as the doorbell rang. With the tea still in her hands she opened the door and smiled at Daniel as he entered, obviously still half asleep.

‘You do know you have to wake up before you get out of bed, right?’

‘My body is awake, that’s enough if I don’t have to go to school.’

‘Did you have breakfast?’

‘Yes, where’s mom?’

Footsteps sounded before Sharon had a chance to answer. The door to the kitchen was opened and Sharon froze as she saw Tarja. They hadn’t showered together and this was the first time she saw the other woman since she had come out of the shower. Just the littlest hint of makeup was applied, making her green eyes even more fascinating and her smile even brighter. Sharon felt the familiar butterflies and she loved how her heartbeat slightly fastened.

‘You look great.’

‘Thanks.’ Tarja smiled as a light blush crawled on her cheeks.

Their fingers brushed against each other as Sharon handed her her cup or orange juice, their smiles still in place. A few seconds later they were pulled into a hug and they both looked at Daniel with a frown.

‘Eh, what’s going on?’

‘You are back together, aren’t you?’

Daniel look at his mothers with a hopeful smile while Sharon and Tarja’s eyes met. They had decided not to tell him, but there was a difference between not telling and lying. It was quiet for a few seconds, but then Sharon smiled.

‘We’re trying.’

Daniel tightened his embrace again and the women both smiled as they put their arms around their son. Suddenly a smell filled Sharon’s nose ad she pulled back as she realized what it was.

‘Okay, you need to take a shower.’

Daniel only grinned before he let go of his mothers and left the kitchen with a smile. As soon as he was out of sight, Sharon leaned down and captured Tarja’s lips with her own.

‘You truly look beautiful.’

Tarja only answered the compliment with another kiss. Sharon still couldn’t believe she ever _didn’t_ love Tarja and she pulled her closer with her free hand before Daniel’s voice sounded again.

‘Gotcha!’

‘Daniel, get in the shower.’

They didn’t wait for his footsteps to sound again. They had to make up for the last year and immediately got lost in each other as their lips met again, not noticing how long it took before the water of the shower started running.

_Dear diary,_

_I’m home._

_Daniel_


End file.
